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Teen Moms love da Bigger Boobs

by Jonnylove
March 21st, 2012

They’re putting one across the entire face, right?

If Teen Mom has taught us anything (It hasn’t.) it’s that no matter what you get famous for, when public interest in you begins to fade, people are still going to enjoy looking at your tits. Especially if you enhance them with plastic surgery:

“She got tired of having small breasts. Jenelle decided on a full ‘C’ cup because she does not want to go too big.”

By all means, Jenelle, don’t go too big. You wouldn’t want to turn into a fake representation of everything wrong with this society that rewards morons with fame and wealth for making a TV show about their terrible life decisions that, in turn, a soulless network sells to advertisers that make it look cool for teenagers (and adults) who think getting knocked up is the thing to do because highschool is hard. 

A ‘C’ cup will still allow you to keep that “I’m a celebrity, but I’m not above blowing you for a dinner as long as the restaurant doesn’t have a drive-thru window” .

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The Situation is GAY, Finally

by Jonnylove
February 8th, 2012

If you haven’t figured out by now, Snooki and JWoww are heavily promoting their Jersey Shore spin-off and basically doing everything they can from radio appearances, to leaking pregnancy rumors (I thought NO WAY too) to now throwing The Situation under the bus by outing him to The Huffington Post. Also, ladies, if you saw that video of Snooki peeing all over a dance floor and covering up the scent by perfuming her vagina, good news. She’ll let you stick your nose right up in that.  Here is the latest interview I just read:

Snooki, things got hot and heavy with Deena [another one of the "Jersey Shore" roommates] last season. Do you consider yourself bisexual?
Snooki: I would consider myself bi. I’ve done stuff with girls before. But I would never be with a girl because I like… penis. But I’ve experimented.
What about Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino? What’s the deal? Gay? Not gay?
Snooki: Do you think he’s gay?
It wouldn’t shock me. Whenever he brings a girl home something always seems to go awry and they don’t end up hooking up.
Snooki: And he gives them men’s clothing to wear.
JWoww: And his posture and the way he holds his cigarettes… everything. Listen, I know I keep talking about my best friend Joey, but his husband was closeted for 27 years of his life. And I knew him before he came out. So because of that I know… the signs.
Snooki: Did you know the whole time that he was gay?
JWoww: Yeah! And it drove me nuts! I’m like, “Be happy with yourself!”
Snooki: Was he like, “No, I’m not”?
JWoww: He had a girlfriend! I was just like, “I would love you more if you could be yourself.” I can’t confirm or deny with Mike, but if he was, it would all make sense.
Do you talk to him about it?
JWoww: He brings it up. He’ll say, “People think I’m gay and I don’t know what they’re talking about.”
Snooki: He told me one time, “[All the talk is] making me wonder.”

Also, keep in mind The Situation banged Snooki on one of the episodes, so while I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that he was born straight, there’s no fucking way he is now. It’s kind of hard to get an erection when a woman goes to take her panties off and your immediate reaction is to scream bloody murder because you’re afraid another meatball sub is going to spring out and hit you in the face. He can still smell the parmesan…  On the other hand, Im starting to crave Subway.

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Taylor Swift ..Single Again

by Jonnylove
February 8th, 2012

Apparently Taylor Swift was dating some dude Eddie Redmayne with the keyword being “was” because apparently he’s already given her the ol’ John Mayer/Jake Gyllenhaal/Joe Jonas heave-ho. So good news if you’re a fan of her music. Via Hollywood Life:

Taylor and British actor Eddie Redmayne met when she auditioned to play Eponine in Les Miserables opposite Eddie’s Marius, Us Weekly reports.
“They hung out in New York City with the movie’s execs,” a source explains. “And Taylor developed feelings for him fast.”
“Taylor loved the image of a British boyfriend,” the insider adds.
Eddie liked her too, but when she wasn’t cast in the role, their romance came to a halt, since he will be away filming the movie in London.
“Eddie’s not interesting in a long-distance relationship. The elements were against them. It’s a shame,” the source says.

In this guy’s defense, managing a long-distance relationship takes a lot of effort, so at least he had the common courtesy to lie and blame his work. Whereas I, on the other hand, was completely be honest with a girl in a similar situation and basically told her I’d just end up cheating on her which you’ll be surprised to learn did not end in good-bye sex like I imagined it in my head. Then again, neither one of us were dressed like Sponge Bob characters like my Mac & Cheese or…. amateur gymnasts, so right off the bat I was screwed.

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Love’s Pontoon Board Rentals. LLC.

by Jonnylove
January 24th, 2012

Looking to rent a big Pontoon for you next party. 

Also, don’t forget to try Stand Up Paddleboarding.  Single or groups available

WWW.LOVESPBR.COM

 

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Kristin Cavallari- knocked up

by Jonnylove
January 24th, 2012

 

Let me tell you a story about a guy Jay Cutler who dumped Kristin days before their wedding, Kristin Cavallari made sure he can’t get away this time because she will not go back to drunkenly banging  that one aguly dude??  And by made sure I mean she pulled a Jessica Alba or even a few girls in IGH and went, “Wait a minute, birth control pills don’t come in Fresh Mint…” People reports:

“We are thrilled to announce we are expecting our first child together,” they tell PEOPLE exclusively. “It’s an amazing time in our life and we can’t wait to meet the new addition to our growing family.”

To anyone thinking pooping out a kid will solve your problems or fix the relationship, let me give you the greatest advice I can give you based on years of hanging out with mothers: Imagine all the regrets, resentment and underlying tension in your relationship as baking soda. Having a baby is vinegar all over that shit. Unfortunately if you’re a women, you read this and went, “My relationship’s different!” And if you’re a man, you read this and went, “Right, butt sex or pull and prey.”

And that’s the story of how we all got here.

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Justin Bieber’s Wang could be yours gurls-(old men)

by Jonnylove
November 11th, 2011

Apparently its screw these little bastards week..am I right?, yea.

[Dear horny 15-year-old girls and pedophiles, welcome to JHHM (Jonny Hot Hollywood Minute)  You can find Mt Dews and most likely dirty underwear over on the table, and in a couple of minutes, whale be giving a short demonstration on the power of penis jokes along with photos of celebrity boobs. Make yourself comfortable

So remember when Justin Bieber brought a snaked named “Johnson” to the VMAs?   Neither do I but then again,I dont remember anything after leaving Jbar everynight.  He is giving away his JohnsonVia Celebuzz:

Despite his love for his slithering half-pet/half-fashion accessory friend, Justin is auctioning off his Johnson to raise money for charity. Charitybuzz is hosting an auction in which the highest bidder will get to keep the snake, with all the proceeds going to Justin’s favorite non-profit organization, Pencils of Promise.

Just to satisfy the 11-year-old in me (No Sandusky!!.) let me get this straight: Justin Bieber is auctioning his Johnson to support his charity called “Pencils of Promise?” BAHAHAHA! Was “Cocks of Glory” already taken? Because I’m serisouly wondering. I had no idea you could name these organizations after penises, and it’s about time I start giving back to the community. CoGowill be a driving force into the “Slippery Wet Pussy of Poverty”, so clearly, it’s going to be extremely Christian-based.

“Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me. Plus I like wang jokes.” – Matthew 25:40

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